


Richie Reflects

by emmathehoe



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Flashbacks, Gay Richie Tozier, IT Chapter Two Spoilers, Post-IT Chapter Two (2019)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-12-14 04:05:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21009443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmathehoe/pseuds/emmathehoe
Summary: "What more can I say?"After Eddie's death, Richie finds himself wandering around Derry, reflecting on his childhood, his first love, and his sexuality.





	Richie Reflects

**Author's Note:**

> I'm depressed about Eddie Kaspbrak and Richie Tozier :(

It was finally gone. The Losers defeated it, for good. There were sacrifices though. Stanley was gone, Eddie was gone, and Richie wasn't ready to let go of that. Richie Tozier spent the past 27 years of his life making jokes to forget about the pain and torture that the previous events had scarred him with. And the minute he remembered everything, it all seemed to be taken away again. His two best friends, were dead. Richie wasn't able to accept it yet.

Richie walked out of the bar in the center of town at around 2 a.m, planning to head home the next morning. He was annoyed at the weather in Derry, 'Fuckin' two in the morning and it's hot as fuck? This town is still screwed up.' Well, he stumbled his way back to the townhouse, and what did he just happen to see? Eddie's old house. It seemed to be abandoned; the weeds were overgrown, the porch had vines growing on it, and it overall looked as though it hadn't been cared for since the Kaspbrak's first left Derry 23 years ago. Richie dug his hands into his pockets and exhaled. He approached the white fence gate and struggled to open the rusted lock- but eventually busted it open. He slowly walked the stone pathway that was covered by overgrown grass. Richie's breath was quick and shaky; he chuckled. The way he was acting reminded him of Eddie. Which only made him sadder. So he sat on the porch, and a flood of memories filled his brain.

_"Fuck you Richie! Don't talk to my mother like that!" Eddie scolded Richie, and pulled out his inhaler to take a puff. "She's this close to not letting me hang out with you guys."_

_Richie rolled his eyes. "Eds Eds Eds, I just came to pick you up. Don't complain to me cause I made fun of your mom for being disgusting." He took a beat. "Plus, I fucked her. I can speak to her however I-"_

_"You did not fuck my mom! Shut up asshole," Eddie punched Richie's arm._

_Richie cackled. "Alright fucker, but the truths the truth. Can you walk faster or something? We're gonna be late."_

Shivers went down Richie's spine. That hypochondriac, Gypsy Rose Blanchard motherfucker was dead. And he wasn't going to come back, Richie would never hear his voice or see his face again. Richie thought of the day they fought It, and began to cry. Eddie was so special to him. Richie wiped his tears, cleaned his glasses, and walked off of the old Kaspbrak property. He walked down the street, and thought about all the times that the Losers got together and biked for miles, they'd bike the entirety of Derry and make each other laugh. Richie, as an adult, had reduced himself to shitty comedy that he didn't even find funny. The first time he'd laughed in years was that first night the gang had gotten back together. He missed his 20s. When he wrote his own material, and enjoyed what he did. But he wasn't good enough. So he was changed and made into what other people wanted him to be. Richie realized that this week he had been entirely himself. Not a comedian, just a grown man with the humor of a 13 year old boy.

Richie walked past a huge tree and thought of Stanley. He scoffed, and remembered how into nature Stan was. They'd see a bird and Stan could identify it, or when they'd go camping, he'd always be the most prepared, and somehow beat out Eddie in being obsessed about sanitization and being cautious. God, Stanley's boy scout ass could be stuck sitting in a chair, tying knots and solving 1,000 piece puzzles for the rest of his life and he'd be perfectly content. Well, Richie realized that Stanley totally could've been doing jigsaw puzzles all his life, and Richie would've had no idea, because he never thought to reach out. Of course, he didn't remember him- but Richie knew perfectly well that if he had remembered, he still wouldn't have reached out.

_"Richie, you tied down the tent wrong. Let me show you," Stanley said and bent down to help Richie tie the knot properly._

_Richie pushed his hands away. "Can you fuck off? The tent's not gonna fly away if I tie it this way, is it? I don't know if you remember, but I did a year of boy scouts until I quit. So I'm pretty much an expert."_

_Stanley stood up defeated. "No, it won't fly away." He sat in front of the tent, criss cross applesauce, with a frown on his face._

_Richie rolled his eyes and sat next to Stanley, "Look, I'm sorry Stan. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Maybe if you want, you can show me how to tie the knot?"_

_"Sure," Stan said, as his face lit up._

Richie sunk down to a sitting position next to the tree. His heart began to pound, and his head began to ache. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back. Richie realized he had wasted 20 years of his life on fake friends and partying. Spending money carelessly to numb the pain. Presenting himself as something he wasn't. Tears flowed down his face and he let himself silently sob. He was completely alone in life. He always had been. He never loved anyone, nobody ever loved him. What if he lost touch with his real friends once again? He thought about Eddie again. He remembered what it was like to see him that first night at the Chinese restaurant. He felt like he was 13 again, they all did. 'If Eddie was still here, I'd take him to LA and we'd be roommates,' Richie thought. He snapped himself out of his thoughts. He knew it was better to not come up with extensive hypotheticals that'll never happen. Richie swallowed his tears and stood up. He brushed himself off and looked up to see his old house in the distance.

His parents. Richie chuckled and remembered his parents. All this time he spent in Derry the past few weeks, and he didn't once think about his parents. He didn't even know if they still lived in Derry. After he moved out, his family never crossed his mind. Maybe they'd tried to reach out, Richie wouldn't know. He pretty much shut everything out once he turned 18. His parents always supported him and weren't ever like, awful to him, he couldn't think of a reason why he never spoke to them. Well, they tried to support him. His mother didn't understand him and was constantly overwhelmed by his hyperactive behavior. And his father was nice and embarrassed Richie a good amount. But they were never completely involved.

_Richie, age 9, stealthily walked into his home, hiding something behind his back. He tiptoed up the stairs, only to hear his mother yell his name._

_"Richie Tozier, what do you have in your hands?" His mother scolded._

_Richie looked around and stared at the floor. "Nuffin."_

_"Open your hands," she sternly said._

_Richie defeatedly opened his hands. "I told you it's nuffin."_

_"Is that a dead bird?" She asked._

_Richie looked down. "No."_

_His mother stomped her foot._

_"No."_

_She stomped her foot again._

_"Maybe."_

_She stomped her foot once more._

_"Yes," he sighed._

_"Where did you get that?"_

_Richie exhaled. "Well, me and Stanley were walkin and then we saw a birdie on the ground and Stanley told me what type of bird it was... so I picked it up in my hands and thought I could give it a nice little home in my room."_

_His mother pinched her nose. "Richie, you can't keep that. Go outside and put it back on the ground."_

_Richie nodded his head and walked outside. He placed the dead bird on the floor. "Bye bye."_

_"I just don't understand why he's like this. His behavior is so out of the ordinary." Richie stood up and turned around to see his mother talking to his father._

_"We may not understand but he'll grow out of it. You will be able to relate to him when he's older," his father reassured, "He's only nine."_

_His mother sighed. "I wish we had a girl. I want to be a good mother, but I don't know how to be good to a boy."_

Richie looked up at his old house. He realized that his upbringing wasn't the best. He knew he was kind of a little motherfucker as a kid, he had terrible ADHD, and never did anything his parents asked him to do. But was it really his fault? Richie had always thought of his parents as nice people, but they never dealt with his behavior, they just ignored him or made him go to Stan's house. The majority of Richie's early childhood seemed to be spent at Stan's house because his mother didn't want him around.

_Richie, age 12 stood outside Stan's house in the yearly fall rainstorm in 1988 and rang the doorbell._

_Stan opened the door. "Whatdya want trashmouth?"_

_"Can I stay here for tonight?" He asked. "My parents are being motherfuckers."_

_Stanley rolled his eyes, but invited Richie in. "What happened this time? Take off your muddy shoes please, Rich."_

_Richie chuckled and mocked him, but took off his shoes as to respect Stan. "I don't know. My mom fuckin locked me in my room cause I failed that social studies quiz."_

_Stanley face palmed. "Is that why you're all scratched up?"_

_Richie jumped onto Stan's couch. "Yep."_

_Stanley began to walk to join Richie on the couch. "Well I'm glad you're-"_

_Suddenly, the phone rang. Stan went to answer it. "Stanley Uris speaking."_

_"Fuckin nerd!" Richie poked fun. But his smile faded when he heard Bill's faint voice over the phone._

_"G-g-g-g... f-fucking Georgie's gone, we can't find him anywhere. It's been nine hours, my p-parents are going to the police, I'm fucking freaking out and I need to come over," Bill said. Richie heard the cracks and emotion in his voice even from far away._

_Stan slowly nodded and gulped. "Holy crap Bill, I'm so sorry. Yeah, yeah come over. Richie's here if that's okay."_

_"That's fine," Bill said and hung up._

_Stan walked over and sat on the couch silently. "Did you hear that Rich?"_

_"Yeah..." Richie said, somewhat disturbed. "I feel so bad for Bill."_

_"It's only been nine hours. Georgie could be okay," Stan assured himself._

_Richie scoffed. "But where could a six year old go for nine hours?"_

_"I... I don't know," Stan's anxiety was visible and they both stayed silent until Bill came._

_Bill walked into the house without knocking, without saying a word. His eyes were red from crying, his hands were visibly shaking, and his clothes were soaking wet from looking for Georgie in the rain. Stan stood up and hugged Bill. Bill sobbed loudly into Stans shoulder. Richie had never seen anybody so upset._

_After letting Bill cry for a while, Richie spoke up. "Let's watch TV or something."_

_Bill sat down on the couch and wiped his face with his sleeve. "Okay."_

_"Do you want dry clothes Bill?" Stan asked._

_"Yeah," Bill chuckled, "I didn't even realize I was still in soaking clothes."_

_Richie scoffed. "I bet you're not as soaking as Stanley's mom when I fucked her."_

_"Ew, fuck you Richie!" He yelled from his room as he grabbed some clothes for Bill from his bedroom._

_Richie turned to Bill. "Are you okay?"_

_Bill shrugged. "I d-don't think so. I just want G-g-georgie to be okay."_

_"Don't worry too much. I'm sure he'll turn up someplace," Richie did that white person smile and put a hand on Bill's shoulder._

_"Y-yeah," Bill trailed off and Richie felt his pain._

Richie sighed and walked quickly past his old home. He didn't want to cry again. Why had the past month been so hard? What about the past thirty years? The pain he felt every single day for twenty seven years was unreal. He knew his life hadn't been as hard as the other losers, he was a rich white man. What was so bad about that? Other than his faltering mental health and trauma, his life was actually pretty good. But there was always something missing. There was always an emptiness inside after leaving Derry, and he didn't realize it until he the first night he came back home.

_Richie drove into Derry and a thought came to his head. He remembered his childhood friend, Eddie._

_"Shit, fuck, shit," he said to himself._

_His hands began to shake, and butterflies fluttered in his stomach. 'Nah, the feelings are definitely gone. They weren't even feelings. It was just hatred and love for a best friend. It's fine, Tozier,' he thought._

_Richie pulled into the restaurant, met up with Bev and Ben. It was weird to see them, looking hotter than ever. He wondered how Eddie looked. He walked in behind the two others, and followed the hostess into their private room. Then, Richie saw him. His jaw dropped._

_'Oh shit.'_


End file.
